GBPAD. Last week, I started looking for a person/s to help me promote Love & Other Calamities before its Winter 2022 release. Did that give all the necessary info you'll need to bookmark a reminder for yourself to preorder a copy to help my sales? Whew. I hope so because the idea of creating a social media platform has me swirling M&Ms down my gullet faster than the red wine they've replaced.
Help! I'm freaking out! I don't want to have a social media platform. I am not witty enough, smart enough, or interesting enough to influence you about anything. I don't want to put on a bra or fix my hair. I do not wish to become visible again. Those videos I've been making, where I talk to you and post about trees and shit, are super annoying, even to me. Who cares what I think about trees?
WHAT kind of conversations am I going to have with strangers on the world wide web? I'm so embarrassed.
Like my father, I am a statement person. Like, "Putting children in camps without their parents is bad. Very bad." It just is. I don't want to argue with you that Obama did it or anything. I just want to make statements. About what I like and what I don't. Please do not subject me to confrontation or I will literally die.
More examples of statements you've probably seen (and sighed at) from me:
-Practicing Buddhism will transform your life. Like literally. Here's my personal experience. Here's a quote. Now, go. Leave me alone. I'm writing.
-Writing from your heart will radiate to others. Just finish the damn thing. Here's a poem. Now, go. Leave me alone. I'm writing.
-Letting go of past heartache may not be possible until you've been loved by a wonderful someone after learning to love yourself, and failing but trying, over and over for a very long time. Here's my personal experience. Now, go do the work. Leave me alone. Larry and I want to watch another episode of Seinfeld and eat M&Ms.
-Always rescue feral cats. Just do it. People will hurt them. It's a rough life. It will make you feel better. Do good things because you can.
-Anxiety is terrible. Living with it becomes a constant hum. Most people like me aren't even aware we're jittering our way through life until we catch someone do an eyeroll behind our backs about how spastic we are. Screw them! It's okay. It's really hard to be human. We are in a pandemic. And suddenly people you really liked are acting like assholes. People you love are dying. They're being intubated and extubated. I had a headache the other morning and we raced to get me an emergency COVID test. Negative. Still have the headache. There's tons of reasons for anxiety. Here, have some of mine, in no particular order: Climate change. Idol worship disguised as religion. Murders. Home invasions. The cat accidentally getting out of the house. Saying the wrong thing.
HELP! I don't want to put my face, words, feelings, opinons (oh christ on a cracker especially not my opinions) out there. I so often change my mind. I so desperately want you to like me but also not like me because I want to be left alone. But when you laugh at something I've said it makes me want to give away the store for free and dance on the tables sharing all of my secrets which may include other's secrets that I never meant to share. All because I really like you laughing so I lose control of the narrative.
AND...social influencers can be so gross. My friend JH told me she watched this doc the other night called Fake Celebrities. The filmmakers helped three people become "famous" on Instragram. As a social experiment. She said it was terrifying. Like you can buy bots and everything like Kim Kardashian. Why? Why? Why? Like those pictures people post on Instagram of their fab lives flying on private jets during a pandemic? Not real. Hold a toilet seat up to the sky and lean in for a photo. Looks like the window of an airplane! What the h e double-toothpicks is wrong with people?
I was semi-famous for a few years before Al Gore invented the internet (yes, grandma go ahead), and let me tell you - fame sucks. Celebrity will not make you love your insides more. It did not make me love mine. Celebrity is weird. It makes you vulnerable to strangers in so many ways. People project their shit all over you. How you should feel about your fame. Ugh. What you should do for them because of your fame. Ugh. Being an influencer will not bring you true friendship or deeper happiness. This would require living in the world helping people which makes you feel good about yourself. Also, people on social media are super super mean. Like they would never talk to you in line at the grocery store the way they feel free being mean about your hair on FB. Somebody on a site once commented that I looked like "time had punched me in the face." I was thirty-six. What a bitch. It really hurt my feelings.
I do like the pretty woman on Instragram who's growing out her gray. She is my inspiration. I even got her hairstyle. But that's not stalkery or anything and totally off topic.
I am so grateful that my novel (Love & Other Disasters due out early Winter 2022) is being published. It's a funny story, a sobering story, about how unhealed trauma affects our daily lives. It's a book about women standing up and with each other in a way we were never able to do before because it was okay to hurt women. It's a book about hope after and healing. It's not about me, but like many of us, I lived it. And I said it. And got better. #MeToo.
BE KIND... if you see me out there on social media all awkward and anxious looking for readers to create conversations around trauma and healing and bad boyfriends and inner revolution and stuff just remember that I warned you :-) I am not a social media influencer. I am just writing stories.
And I hope they'll make your day a little better.
(cover of book title with musical notes is not actual book cover just something my honey made for my agent to get the ball rolling. so grateful for them both.)